This is not what I intend to write. This is a rather frustrating headline. The same is true.
As one of the dangers of women in their 50s, we live longer than men. Most of us have lost or will lose our spouse.
My first husband died more than a decade ago. I think I can write now because the wound has healed. I am getting married now and I have a great supporter. Although ten years ago; it seems impossible to be happy again.
You can't plan this. But you have to do this.
In any couple, someone will leave the plane first and someone will be left behind.
Both of you should know important information. This is the information you should have discussed before any illness.
For any of these projects, usually only one person knows. - One person will know one thing, another will know another person, the division of labor. But both of you should know all the details, even if it is something you can't handle.
You and your spouse must have a will. So what if it makes you feel uncomfortable? When your heart is broken, it is not time to try to figure out the details. Don't let your spouse guess what you want. I can't imagine more cruel things. Discuss, plan, and then see a lawyer.
Where do you open the bank? What is your bank account number? What is each account used for? If you feel you need to have a separate account to pay for a very personal fee, you still need to leave the information somewhere - perhaps for your will, along with the lawyer who handles your will. Without this information, you may lose any information to your family when you leave.
What investment do you have? detail! If it is more than one or two, please sit down and write it out. Which, how many, what type, when is it mature? Is it mature? What is your long-term investment plan?
Now, no one wants to talk about something. funeral . When my husband died, I was very lucky because I knew where he wanted to be buried, what kind of funeral was even during the day. He wants to be buried on Saturday so that friends and family can come. He died on a Sunday, and the funeral on Saturday would be very unusual because of the time, but the funeral home knew that his wishes could take steps to make it possible. I know which funeral home, which cemetery, what to look for in a plot and what type of service he likes. If I don't know these things, I can't imagine what it would be like that week. There is only one very difficult part. My husband is Chinese. He hopes to put his Chinese name [character] on his stone in English. But he doesn't like his Chinese name. It's not a good name. He was teased when he was a child, so he never told me what it was. He intends. But it never happened. He doesn't like the name, but this is his name, he wants to put it on the stone. I spent a lot of calls before we found someone to understand it. He came to Canada when he was 14 years old. His cousin didn't know his Chinese name because he didn't use it here. We have to find an older generation who remembers it. my point of view? If it is important to you, then provide details; don't push it off!
The real hard part now. After the funeral.
All your friends and relatives will be there. Only one day.
Some people who are really close will stay there for a day or two.
Then you are relying on yourself.
The first week is really not that bad. There is a lot to do. So much loose purpose to take care of. Not having time to think or feel is just a big deal.
All of this is done.
How to do.
Nothing is the same. Nothing will be the same.
I was reinforced because my mother packed her bags and stayed with me for a few weeks.
She will do some small things, such as asking, what to eat for lunch, dinner, when to go shopping, when to do it....? I have to give her an answer. Once I say what I am going to do and when to do it, then the rest is done. Love you and my direction. It helps. Even after she got home, she called every morning and said, "What is your plan for today?" I hope that all of you can do this for you.
One thing was unexpected. No from
Several things accident.
I am looking forward to sadness. I didn't expect to be angry. I am very angry that we have to grow old together. He promised. He should abide by this promise. He has no right to die. Don't expect yourself to be logical at this time. Sadness is illogical. Sadness is a tyrant.
I didn't expect to clean up all his personal belongings. I thought that bringing them close would give me comfort. For some people. For me, his smell of anything will make my stomach lose. All his clothes, even new clothes. Even single sex and what I can wear [we are about the same size]. Everyone must leave.
I didn't expect to reschedule the furniture. At 6 o'clock every day, he will go home to sit in his favorite chair and watch the news before dinner [he often does, he likes to cook]. I can look at the chair all day, even sitting there, no problem until 6. Then see it, there is an empty and desolate wave. I moved it to the room at home and moved the room to the upper floor. I can live with this.
You won't encounter these special problems. You will have problems. It's just different because you don't have the same memory or emotional connection. Don't think that you are weird. Everyone has a different reaction. But we all respond. Do whatever you want, do what you need to do. Don't worry about what others think. They are not you.
future
Yes, you will have one. I have heard that men and women have different sorrows and different clocks. I don't know men. I have talked to other widows, but this is a bit different.
Try to get things back to normal in about 1 year; as much as possible. This is impossible. About a year later, you start to study a new normal. The new normal can happen quickly, but sometimes it takes a year.
Maybe in the second year, more likely in the third year:
1. You will stop feeling married.
2. Note that there are still two genders in the world.
3. But still not interested in the opposite sex, not yet. You just noticed that they are still there
At the end of the third year, or at the beginning of the fourth year, you will stop sorrow. You won't forget, you will never forget. You will miss them forever, but you will have a new life. You will be different. This has changed you.
Some people feel guilty about this stage. They have a new life, a good life, and if their spouse lives, they will not have a life. It's almost like life is better because their spouse is gone? They feel that this feeling is very bad. You must realize that it is not better, just different from the path you are taking. No, if they are alive, you will not have such a life. If they don't leave you, you will live a different life and you may enjoy other life. Living this life does not mean that you benefit from their death. Everything means that life is good and life is for life. Don't feel guilty about life.
At this point you can start dating. You can not. For some people, this new life is the life they choose to live alone; some people want and need to be part of a couple again. It doesn't matter what you choose, only you choose it. From now on, don't let your parents or children decide how to live your life. This is your life. You and only you will be held accountable. Decide. life.
Orignal From: Lost spouse
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